People-Pleasing Behaviors
“Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.” - Penny Reid
You’re a giver. Very kind, generous, forgiving, and people find you easy to be around, non-confrontational, and self-less. You avoid conflict at all costs, even if it means sacrificing your own inner peace and truth.
But lately you’ve been feeling resentful and burnt out in your relationships. No one asks you what you want or need.
Being kind and giving is a good thing.
But people pleasers don’t ever give themselves a permission to ask for what they want and/or a permission to receive. Pretty frequently, people who people-please don’t even realize that they’re people pleasers until they’re full of resentments, frustration, anger, and burn out But even then, they tend to blame themselves for being in that situation. The inner critic inside them shames them spewing things like “make yourself small.” “your needs don’t matter” “don’t become a burden to them” “you’re not that important.”
I find that most people who are people-pleasers come from family of origin where their emotions were frequently dismissed by their parents. As a result, they learn to distrust their own emotions and learn to only place other people’s emotional needs first. They were told to minimize their emotional reactions, to suppress them, or in some cases, they were punished for having emotions. They learn to be super observant of other people’s needs and wants because they have internalized the belief that they’re only worthy if they’re useful to other people.
You’re probably here because you’re exhausted.
It feels like no one asks you for what you want or need. You keep chasing after people’s approval by sacrificing your own boundaries. It doesn’t matter if it violates your beliefs and values because the fear of abandonment is heavier than the pain of betraying yourself. You feel like you’re serving everyone else, making room for other people’s emotions and needs while you tell yourself you’re not important enough for other people to care about your needs. You have some things to say but you hold it back because you’re really scared of how it will be received. You gaslight yourself constantly into not saying anything at all.
You’re tired of putting yourself last, holding onto all the resentment, and feeling totally unfulfilled.
Ready to change this? Let’s get to work so that you can
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Know Your Boundaries
You weren’t taught what your boundaries are - Actually, it might be more like you weren’t encouraged to know what your boundaries are. This is why you look to others to feel valid, worthy, and to feel like you belong. Through therapy, I’ll help you find what your values and beliefs are so that you can practice setting boundaries and start feeling more confident within yourself.
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Be Kind and Giving to Yourself
We can work on still being kind and generous, but now you’re kind and generous to yourself. You finally see that you’re worthy and already enough, and that you don’t have to betray yourself over and over to feel worthy and good enough. Through therapy you’ll learn to validate and hold space for your own emotions and learn that you are not responsible for everyone’s emotional reactions, wants, or needs. Your worth does not only come from being useful to others.
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Trust Yourself
That inner voice that keeps gaslighting you? It’s actually there to protect you. But through therapy, we’ll discover different parts of you that will serve you better: your strengths, inner gut-feeling, compassion, and your emotions. You’ll learn how much your life can feel more fulfilling when you actually start taking up space and trust those inner wisdom.
Therapy for People-Pleasing Patterns
I can help. Let’s start.